What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
