Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
