I just cut my nipple shaving
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
