im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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