i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
