You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
