did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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