i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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