Screwed.edu
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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