I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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