they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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