I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
