Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
