I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
