you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
