Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
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