he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
