if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
time to smoke my breakfast
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
