good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
