So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
