need another drink. this is the easiest way
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
