Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Randomize
