I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
