he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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