started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
