Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
