I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
