i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
