Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
