I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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