I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
