My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
