her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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