I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
