I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
