Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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