TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
