Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
