My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I love you. Go after that dick
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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