I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
