so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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