Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Found the puke drawer
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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