It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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