when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
