I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
