There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
