Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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