I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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