I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Randomize
