She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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