i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Randomize
