I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
