drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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